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“You know stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through”

“Relax the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while”

“If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document”

“If you run,you’ll only go to jail tired”

“You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

“Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning you not to do that again, or I’ll give you another ticket”

“Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey crap”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven”

“How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you said you had?”

and the winner is…

“You didn’t think we give pretty woman tickets? You’re right, we don’t.  Sign here!”

theodore-roosevelt.jpgIt was on this day September 2, 1901 that then Vice President Theodore Roosevelt coined the phrase “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”  I could give you a little more info on the situation of what and why he said what he said, but here is a short essay by Brian B. Wagner, who attends U.S. Grant High School, who is the winner of a Theodore Roosevelt essay contest in Portland, OR.  He can explain much better than I ever could. enjoy



 Julius Henry Marx, better known as “Groucho Marx,” born on October 2, 1890 and died on this day August 19, 1977 He was a Comedian, Writer, Radio Star, Movie Star, Television Star and just one of the biggest Stars ever!  I’m sure you’ve heard of him unless you lived your life under a rock, There is just way too much to him and the Marx Families life for me to even begin to cover, so here is the 26 movies that I know of.   Below that are some of the best one liners ever spoken.

Filmography:  Humor Risk 1920, Cocoanuts 1929, Animal Crackers 1930, The House That Shadows Built 1931, Monkey Business 1931, Hollywood on Parade No 5 1932, Horse Feathers 1932, Duck soup 1933, A Night at the Opera 1935, Yours for the Asking 1936, A Day at the Races 1937, Room Service 1938, At the Circus 1939, Go West 1940, The Big Store 1941, Instatanes 1943, Screen Success Spoil Rock Hunters? 1957 and Skidoo 1968

Here are some of my favorite Quotes, you may even recognize one or two that you didn’t know came from Groucho Marx.

“I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.”

“If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.”  

“Room service? Send up a larger room.”

“We’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is more than she ever did.”

“You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.”

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”

“A woman is an occasional pleasure, but a cigar is always a smoke.”

“Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. groucho.jpgAll you have to do is live long enough.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

“Here’s to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!”

“Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.”

And my favorite

“How would you like to feel the way she looks?”

Marx Brothers .com,   Groucho Marx .com,   Thanks to LittleRascalsDVDcom for the video, it is one of the better ones I found.